Scruffy-Looking Nerfherders We.


Have you ever had the urge to shoot somebody in the face, but were afraid of the negative consequences? Have you ever wished that your first-person shooter was more portable and in full 3D? Have you ever had an annoying roommate? If so, then Nerf is for you!

“Why, yes,” you say, “that sounds like exactly what I need? But what, pray tell, is Nerf exactly? Is that not a type of football?” To thee I say nay, because Nerf only started with sport balls. In years of late they’ve expanded their enterprise into the more popular department of recreational weaponry. More recently, the sales of their plastic blasters have gone through the roof, and the selection of that arsenal’s expanded dramatically. It can get a bit confusing for a new Nerfer.

If you prefer a traditional six-shooter, go with the Nerf Maverick. If you want a small but reliable pistol, grab a Nerf Nitefinder. If you want something heavy, long, and powerful (insert unfortunate penis joke here), heft a Nerf Longshot. If you want fully automatic devastation, put some batteries in the Nerf Stampede. If you want a friggin’ belt-fed light machine gun, then you want a Nerf Vulcan. (Please note that the Vulcan comes with obligatory quotes from the TF2 Heavy – “Entire team is babies!”) That’s not even getting into the foam melee weapons that Nerf markets, including swords, battleaxes, maces, and more. Violence simulation is apparently a booming industry.

Why do I go into such detail about Nerf? Because I enjoy Nerf. It’s dodgeball without pain, video games without screens, and children’s toys without children all at the same time. I enjoy spraying people with foam darts (“Now is good time to run, cowards!”) because it’s so simply satisfying. In between games, I also tinker with my guns, like by adding a new spring or messing with the barrel – all in the name of science.

In any case, this post will hopefully serve as an introduction to Nerf for our readers. Until next time, have fun shooting people. (“I’ve yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet!”)


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