Movie Review: After Last Season

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“The 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It” was a bad movie, but it only took me a couple of months to find something worse. Thanks to Spoony, at http://spoonyexperiment.com/, he helped me find something much… much… worse. The title of the film is called “After Last Season” and it literally hurt to watch.

The film starts out in a pick room with printing paper lining the top of the walls, and an MRI machine made of cardboard; but you find out it’s actually a doctor’s office. Then you’re subjected to a few minutes of the actors forgetting lines of dialogue that you have no reason to care about. It’s really chatty here and these people clearly can’t act, but I guess they’re med school students. I’ll skip to about halfway in, which I doubt you’ll even get this far; to a scene where two people (the man and woman in the movie poster above) go into a boiler room with a mess of crates, chairs, and a table. Get ready for almost a half-hour of watching (with little to no sound) what looks like a guy playing with Autodesk Maya for the first time; as these people, I guess are supposed to be the main characters because they’re in the movie poster, who are neurosurgeon students put sticky notes on their temples, close their eyes, and talk about what you just watched.

wtf?

This scene right here is a good chunk of the movie.

Then they go on to talking about a guy stabbing a girl to what looks like a guy slightly more experienced at Maya animating it. After that, you have what looks like the first guy who was playing on Maya, but who is slightly better at it now, animate fishes and cars to no sound for what feels like 10 minutes.  These animated segments make the music video for “Weird” Al Yankovic’s “Money for Nothing’/’Beverly Hillbillies” look like James Cameron’s “Avatar” and I’m surprised if any normal person would watch this far. When those terrible hard to watch parts are over, the furniture starts to move and the tow people look like the are getting attacked by The Invisible Man. The movie cuts to the guys sitting in his chair asleep as the girl wakes him up, the writer/director throws a giant FUCK YOU to the audience as you find out the whole previous chunk of the movie was just his dream and it doesn’t matter to the plot, if any, at all. So they both sit down again and ask pointless questions. The furniture starts moving again when the movie cuts to a guy who just stabbed someone. Mr. Stabby, as i call him goes into the room where the guy and the girl try to act afraid; then the chair flies at Mr. Stabby knocking him out. Turns out a ghost was in there and he talks to them about how he can’t pick up a bag and can only hold a ruler for a few minutes. The ghost goes away and the guy and girl call the police. Mr. Stabby used to work at the lab and the wanted access codes which is why he killed the guy in the hallway. Then the movie ends as two women talk about nothing and one woman looks at pictures, I guess one of the pictures is of the ghost but then the credits roll and I don’t shoot myself in the head. The best part of the film is the credits because you know this nightmare is over so I’d watch for that huge payout.

Closing thoughts: This movie is garbage and a waste of 5 million dollars. Really, that was the budget for this movie. “After Last Season” is the equivalent of the director just putting 5 million dollars cash in the blender with some food, eating it, then shitting it into a pile until he has a 5 million dollar shit pile. Masterpieces have been made on smaller budgets. I’m giving this movie a generous 0/10 and calling it the worst movie of whatever we call the last decade from 2000-2009, if not the worst movie ever made.

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2 Responses to “Movie Review: After Last Season”

  1. Cleftes Says:

    I think that decade is called the “aughts.”

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